In the future we'll all be gay
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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