the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
