I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
