We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
