I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
