There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
