he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
