Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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