Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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