I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
