if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
