well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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