idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
