last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
