Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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