it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
