The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
