dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
