I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
