stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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