Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
