Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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