Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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