Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
