I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize