my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
