no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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