Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
