my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't deserve a penis
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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