I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
