I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
