At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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