I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
