my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
