i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
