Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
