We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
