just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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