I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you will always have a special place in my vag
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
