I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love you. Go after that dick
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