hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He passed out mid-signature
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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