I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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