I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
