she woke up with a sticky ear
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
