Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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