fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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