There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
