Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
