you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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