great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
True strength comes from lack of pants
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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