how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
