if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
