There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
