I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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