I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
