can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I didn't notice because vodka
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
