I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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