My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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