I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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