so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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