Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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