She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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