Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
