well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
