I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
