you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
