Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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