No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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