Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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